under no label...

i mentioned this before (link to previous post), but i really get insecure sometimes, and usually about something random. i was hit with this feeling after several people walked by me, not looking at me, avoiding conversation, managing to go about their day without including me in it. here i am, longing for deep and solid relationships and people walk by me every single day without care to get to know me. i love being here and starting fresh, starting a new season of my life, but to be honest...i have no identity. (stick with me for a minute: i know that my identity is in christ) here i am 2,100miles away from home surrounded by the unfamiliar. i have no connections, no previously built relationships. no one knows my family. most people give me a blank look when i say "Hume Lake". i am no longer that "hume kid" or "Yvonne's daughter". who i have been known as growing up is all gone. i usually hate being labeled, but i was known for certain things my whole life and now...now everything is new. im starting over.

thinking about it now, i really get super happy when students use the "you are a mountain girl so you wouldn't know", sure they were totally teasing me but they tapped into a familiar memory. i guess subconsciously i feel a little more bonded with whoever mentions that im a "mountain girl", its like they are closer to understanding me. the me that everyone at home knows. the me that hasn't been able to break through here.

the normal me would have already built tons of friendships
the normal me would have found ways to love every person

but after moments of being ignored and brushed off....i feel inadequate. i long to be known, my heart, my thoughts, my passions, even my quirks. no one here gets my humor.

guess its just a day to remember that really...i am a child of God. i am dearly loved.

i just hate when insecurity seeps in unexpectedly.