obedience...

simple words spoken into my life this morning. raw and honest.

"when we walk in obedience, it will cost us something."

obedience defies our fleshly desires. our wants. our expectations. our initial plans. I did not sign up for comfort when i decided to surrender and follow Jesus. Nor did I did not sign up for routine or tangible stability. By placing my life in the palm of His hands, i gave up my self, everything.

As God strips me from the lies i've allowed to trap me, He speaks truth of his Goodness, his unfailing love, and his promise the will never leave me.

My obedience cost me my plans, comfort, and a relationship. To trust that God is bigger than all this that he has me exactly where I am supposed to be is just so hard right now.

My flesh wants to ignore Jesus. My flesh is fighting against me telling me that i was stupid, that walking in faith just isn't enough.

But i walk in obedience. Trusting the Lord. Making it a testimony of my faith. I will not complain because the time spent focusing on the bad could be used to be thankful and embrace the good. Right now, yes i am struggling so I will allow myself to feel and process. To wrestle. To have hard convos with God. I will keep reminding myself He is in all of this.

Obedience is not a way to prove how righteous we are...but in the midst of our brokenness to humbly submit to our Father and trust Him.

life happens...

Life happens…

Living in Chicago has been awesome

This season could not be going better

I love my city, school, neighborhood, friends

But back home…life has happened

And I have been 2,100 miles away from it.

How do I cope? Process? Rest in Jesus? Let go?

Unhappy news from back home has come to me every month this semester and Satan has really been tapping into my love for my family and the comfort of home, telling me that because I am in Chicago, I cant help, I cant be there, and I’ve got nothing.  (Which is true. I can’t help- God can and is. I can’t be there-God can and is. I’ve got nothing-without God---but thats not what this post is about)

Finding out sad news from a distance just doesn’t work for me…At all.

I cant hug those who need it, I can’t bring them coffee, I cant sit in silence, just being with them. I am here and they are there. I either have to process with people who have only known me for a matter of months or over the phone with old friends who can’t physically be present with me. I feel disconnected.

Life happens everywhere all around me (duh)…  but I need a continual focus on Christ or the fact that I can’t be in two places at once will eat me up.

I cant keep telling myself this is “only a season and ill be home soon” because I’m in college. I’m an adult. I am on a whole new path and having to “leave” my family back home in so many areas of my life. They hear of new friends I make, but haven’t met them. They hear of all the great restaurants and my neighborhood I’m in, but haven’t been there. Life continues on...I’m just so used to it happening alongside them and it looks so different now. The deaths, divorces, friend struggles, back home won't go away…so who do I turn to?

The Lord. My comforter.

For a person who desires the tangible, the stability in life, my heart turns to distress when the only one who will be with me EVERY step of the way is God, who is not physically present. I have grown up knowing who God is but pain forces me to actually realize exactly the God that I serve...which goes beyond my need for the tangible. He has no bounds. I like bounds. I like knowing. Yet he has me in a place where I don’t see life coming and all my “comfort” outlets I turn to when seeking refuge, are not satisfying. I know that even if I was home, I would still sense discontentment. Something missing. It is proof that God really is everything. He fills and mends the broken hearted.

He is the answer. My outlet to dealing with life. I am still working through what it means to grieve, process without desensitizing situations, becoming numb, and not being consumed. How do I be present with life here while life happens at home? 

i need to process...

"i need to process"

-an Ashlyn phrase

oh my goodness, the word "process" is one of my most favorite words. ever. when you grow up in a home where "processing through life together" is encouraged, it basically becomes engrained into every area of your life. i LOVE processing through anything that can be processed through. if i was an artist i am sure my room would be covered in abstract images, visually displaying my processing. if i was a musician, my songs would be an easy outlet to display my thinking, poetically. but i am neither. i am no avid journaler, daily blogger, or 100% verbal communicator. i do process, though, through people, writing, and time alone. 

-processing means time. more time to work things through when i am unsure. walking in the unknown.

-processing always keeps my mind deep in thought.

-processing reminds me i am human and allows me to feel.

-processing shows my desire to be transparent.

but all that to say...

i hide behind "processing"

i have realized that the moment i have nothing to process through, i go out in a frantic search telling myself there has to be more i need to process. yes processing is at times painful, uncomfortable, growing, refining, and a mirror for how much i need God. but even in the uncomfortable, i feel safe because i can control my processes. processing is a tangible way for me to cope with life. the moment my processing has completed: i don't feel accomplished, i feel an urge to busy myself with the next thing. i seek growth so badly that when i feel im in a standstill, there must be something wrong. 

Maybe when God says "Be still"...that includes putting a pause on my "processing". Processing is a big part of who i am. I tell myself that if i can't process, i can't grow, i can't learn, i can't see God more. It scares me that God doesn't need my processing to be still and rest in Him. 

Don't go thinking that i've gone to the other side and think "processing" through life is a waste of time. I am simply stating that i have made it my identity and that is not ok.

guess im processing through processing... that's weird. 

 

safe place...

what is a safe place? the concept has pressed on my mind quite a bit in this last month. last year i would say i rarely found myself in a safe place. moving out of my fresno home was a boot into the real world, a place of the unknown, and no familiar safe places. would i ever find a safe place close to what i grew up with?

this year i have actually found several safe places. 

so what's changed? 

my concept of what safe place means? my release of high expectations? simply growing up more? figuring out where my identity lies in?

as i have talked to many people my curiosity has increased. what makes them feel safe? what draws them out? do we all share the same belief of what a safe place means? 

well for me....my idea of a safe place is the freedom of just being. if i am able to tap into that need, my energy, capacity to serve, and perspective is renewed and refreshed.

just being. with friends/ family. 

the friendships i have been blessed with are so diverse and precious and i have learned to love each individually and uniquely. there are few friends i have though that the idea of "just being" with them instantly fills me up. they are the people i feel safe with, where conversation flows, silence is always an option, and time is more important than an adventure itself. it's where laughter and being fully accepted and embraced are a given. 

just being. alone. 

i have found that mountains and forests bring to a place of complete peace and joy. i have the freedom to be me, to talk to Jesus about anything, to laugh out loud, to smile as i watch birds fly in the morning air. to smell the summer breeze as i journal in the sunlight. there is a reason i am drawn to the outdoors. it was my world for 13yrs. it has been embedded into me. i don't depend on mountains to mend me though, because i am currently 2,000 miles away from my mounatins. but give me mountains any day and you will see something sparkle in my eyes. 

being in the city is obviously the complete opposite of my hometown BUT i have found my safe place even here. I live in a neighborhood where we have a mini forest, a tunnel of trees. Every morning when i look out the window- i take a deep breath and beam. He gave me my trees. He knew how much they fill me and even in the city, He blessed me with them. 

I have also found that i can just be when commuting to school. Earbuds in, music on- loud enough to enter into me time but quiet enough to be present to the strangers around me. Long train rides allows for me to just be and i look forward to it every day. 

just being. long distance. 

there are people back home who i used to be able to go grab a coffee with, hang out at the park all day, have a movie night, taco tuesday, or night swim with. but thats not the case anymore because i am on the other side of the country. my concept of just being for so long meant spending time with people in person, doing whatever. when it comes to maintaining long distance friendships/relationships i found that i NEED quality time- because quality time leads to just being. i miss simply being with the people who know me, embrace me, and will live life with me. i must have taken for granted the fact that i could hang out with any one of them whenever i wanted to, and now im left with two of my least favorite things: phone calls and texting. how in the world do i just be when im not face to face...so i begin a new journey of finding my safe place within a long distance context. 

i asked questions earlier. and they are still there. i'm so curious where people stand with the concept of a safe place. Mine is "just being". If you can get me to that place then you will find the best me i think. 

at home yet torn...

I have never felt more at home than I do now. 

But at the same time...

I have never felt more torn than I do now. 

Despite the chaotic beginning of moving back, my transition back to Chicago could not have been more smooth. I have been blessed with three amazing, amazing roommates and have gotten into the hang of commuting. Typically it takes me months to get to the place where I am at now but Jesus has really been at work in my heart. He has filled me with a Christ-like love for my roommates rather than allowing me to be consumed with anxieties, fears, doubts when it comes to building new relationships. He has blessed me with some of the best classes yet. Every single class- I have learned something. No for real. The friends I made on campus last year are still in existence and continuing to grow which is something I did not expect. This is the first time that I truly don't feel homeless. Maybe it's because I am embracing being an adult or simply because I am calling Jesus my Home. Whatever it is, I am very much thriving here.

But at the same time...

At the beginning of this week several hard hits from home came my way. Just when I was getting myself back up, another one hit. Satan did not wait to attack me. Feeding me lies that I'm not supposed to be in Chicago. I can't do anything to help from here. I need to go back home. All I have is prayer and nothing else...

Let's pause for a moment and back up. "All you have is prayer." Satan told me that that was a bad thing. I began to minimize my Jesus and feel useless. Prayer...that's all I have here. YES it is all I have here!! But prayer is not just a little conversation with God, it's my direct communication with my personal and comforting Father. It is where I bring these hurts, burdens, and even lies I am believing and falling in His arms. How dare I think prayer is the least way I can help. It should be my first go to!  

All I want to do is go home. But I can't. I am here in Chicago. And yes I love it here. So I will rest in Jesus and hold onto the one thing I know works. Prayer. 

This week has continued to confirm that God is truly the God of just enough. I feel so weak and tired right now but am still going about my day knowing that He is my strength. I think that God allowed my transition back to be easy so that when this stuff did come my way, I would have community and a place to process safely. 

I believe he is Good. I understand that I don't know everything. May the God of peace fill me. I hurt but I am at peace. I have nothing to fear- my Jesus has me completely.  

little nuggets...

Orientation was AMAZING. To be honest I was having a hard time with wanting to go because of the amount of transition I was in the midst of. But man...every session, every day was convicting, refreshing, raw, and exactly what my heart needed. I took away some little golden nuggets of truth that are reminders as I start this new year.

Some nuggets:

• If you can't pay 100% attention to someone. Don't fake it. 
• Remember, Jesus washed Judas' feet
• We are a living example of Christ NOT a perfect one
• Keep conflict current. Don't tuck it away for later. Don't let it fester.
• Live. Learn. Labor (Urban Cohort motto) -do it in that order
• Don't make Jesus a product
• Share your life yes, but share Jesus too. 
• Jesus is more concerned about you and Him than you in the neighborhood
• You're going in as neighbors, not as professionals
• Become the fabric of the community

SIDE THOUGHT:

Good questions to ask yourself regularly:

• Am I anchoring myself in Christ?
• What are the things (wounds, fears) that cause me to become unanchored?
• Am I being authentic? Am I letting people in or only showing specific parts of me? 

week one, year two, chicago....

I am not writing because I felt like it was about time I posted something new.
I am writing because of the insane amount of life and growth I have walked through in this last week.

We are onto day number 8 of being back in Chicago. Day 8. That is one week and one day. Not a long time at all. But holy moly. Have I said "WOW" yet? WOW!

Where to even begin, you know? I feel like i'm overflowing with too many words (even for me). I am on overload yet I am very much at peace....which is weird.

If you were to follow me around with a video camera and document my life in this last week, it would have been a soap opera comedy. I really believe that God knows how little I can handle in this world and yet how stubborn I am to turn to him quickly. His humor comes out when He places me in new seasons of life knowing fully I need Him yet won't give up my independence. This week, I think Jesus gained some chunk in his belly  from all the kettle corn He ate as He sat back and watched me live my life...on my own...

Day 1. I left the green forests of Washington for the red bricks of Chicago. I was phoneless due to a sink and soapy water. I moved into my new apartment. 

Day 2. Still phoneless. Too scared to go anywhere with no geographical knowledge of the Little India neighborhood. Had an "I am really on my own" reality hit after spending too much at Target. Walked more miles than I could count. Got lost. Had to work on my confidence face (to cover up my lost puppy eyes) as I sorted out my location. Had three separate meltdowns. Hard day. 

Day 3. First commute day. Went to a Cubs game. Received furniture which allowed me to fully move in. Phone started working. Culture shock starting to settle in. Can't give eye contact to men on the streets. Women and children play outside into late evening. Shorts and tanks are unacceptable. Decent, busy day. 

Day 4. Getting used to the commute. An hour is a long time. What did I get myself into?

Day 5. First grocery trip ever. Spent under budget :). Lunch date with Mentor- found how she is pregnant. Last roommate arrived. The house is complete. Much more stable day.

Day 6. Beginning of two orientations. Figured out I am really not a good listener. Wrestling with balancing being present in the neighborhood, while being present on campus, while being present to all my relationships at home. Reconnected with a childhood friend. Refreshing, routine day. 

Day 7. Roommates birthday. Orientation. Lost wallet. Had to cancel all cards. Met new people in the neighborhood. Frustrating yet fun day. 

Day 8. Last day of Orientation. Went to buy a turtle- decided not to. Still without a wallet. No ID, no money. Ready to take this school year on.


So there is a quick summary of my week. And to think...this was just one week, one week without school. Growing up is busy, fast paced, and unforgiving at times. BUT SUCH AN ADVENTURE.

Sure I had some down moments and frustrating days BUT I am more excited for this year than ever before. I am ready to take this year on! Be intentionally missional. Dive into community. Grow in cultural understanding. Understand more how to love every person, culture, and season in life. Ah SO EXCITED.

Home...

This summer has been a reality slap. Not a bad one, just a little wake up call. I made the decision to spend the summer two states away from home. With only a week back in Fresno and the rest of my year in Chicago, I would not be seeing the Grind coffee shop, orchards, the Well, or my family. School last year really pulled me away from the idea of comfort and as i began to trust in the Lord, my days were full of life and freedom. But my loyalty and love for people is just so engrained into me that I constantly look focus of Christ and become consumed in all my friendships and relationships.

Deciding to spend a summer in a city unfamiliar to me, working at yet another Bath an Body Works store, and hanging out with extended family I only ever saw a few times a year... was what I would call, a stretch in the comfort zone. 

People kept asking me why I chose to come here and I really had no response other than "to mix it up a little and it would be a great opportunity to get to know my cousins better." Despite some surprise struggles, I can't think of anywhere else I could be this summer. 

Walking into this summer,

I was stoked to finally be surrounded by forests and get a break from the city life.

I was stoked to see my extended family in the normal routine of life.

I was stoked for some solid time alone to reflect, process, and prepare for this fall. 

I really thought I had conquered my "desire for a comfortable life" (I know seeking comfort is not bad, but I was letting it distract me from obeying Christ) 

But really... I didn't get to the root of my longing until I was drowning in anxiety, frustration, and isolation. My mentor spoke such truth into my life that has challenged my perspective so much. 

She simply said

" The TRUTH is that you have listened to the Holy Spirit and are spending your summer in Washington! You didn't decide to go there--HE decided! Home is not Washington. It is not Chicago. It is not Fresno. It is not even "wherever your family is". HE is home and this world is not our home."

He is home. God is. I was shaken by what she said. Here I have been my whole life looking to people (not for affirmation) for fulfillment. God has been there the whole time waiting for me to seek him fully. 100%. To be completely satisfied by him. 

This summer is just a snidbit of the life I am walking into after college. God has placed it in my heart to serve full-time (wherever) for him and if I obey him fully, that means  not making my desires for an earthly home, and my love for my family, rise above him. 

I had this idea in my head that once I entered college i would find a group of friends. A group who got me, loved me through each season of life, and supported me. But that has yet to come. Instead I have been blessed with many many people who love me from afar. I may not get that group of friends but God's got my back and if i let that want go to Him AND trust him WHILE calling him Home. I will find comfort and a constant companion.  

I have missed out on so much because I was focused on my lack of friends this summer. But now that I am seeking him in this struggle- I have seen beauty in the little things again and seen Christ in my extended family. 

I am truly blessed this summer.

ashlynisms...

i'm obsessed with clouds. obsessed. could stare at them for hours

i always look for the big dipper when there is a starry sky. thats one thing i miss doing when im in the city

i crave smoothies daily

my foot still gives me issues so i can't run or roller blade. i miss those days

im starting to like dresses

clean kitchens are important to me. i can't function if i know its dirty. little ways im becoming my momma

i don't do well with change. surprising alterations in my routines. and it takes awhile for me to process that change

sometimes i wish i still had a problem controlling my mouth. i used to not have a filter. it got me into trouble a lot but at least there was no question on where i was at with something. nowadays i feel so misunderstood and wall up too easily.

im totally ok being white and not having the ability to tan

my career choice goes against all comfort zones and my source of stability. God is crazy. But im willing

i get tired of initiating sometimes. my motivation to make people feel loved keeps me going

wait long enough and ill be open not just friendly and social

i lost aspects of my childhood because i was sucked into the "grow up" tide pool. my heart goes out to anyone who falls into that pressure that comes from people my age

i love the smell of dryer sheets

radio songs are the only time i will bust out my vocal chords, off key, without a care in the world

fruit makes my heart happy. speechless. joyful.

i miss consistent back rubs

i'm a sucker for cheesy jokes/puns

at any store, the frame aisle is my favorite

at home you will usually find me wrapped up in a blanket (no matter how hot it is)

i compulsive buy when i see something that makes me think of someone

gray and blue have been and will always be my favorite color. thats why i love the sky so much

when im sick, i watch curious george

travels and learning...

The week back home was far from anything I anticipated. What I had thought would be a refreshing week was a growing and stretching 7 days. The days literally flew by. I need to stop being surprised by the fact that I will learn and grow from being home no matter how long or short I am there.

This week I learned:

1. When I say “Oh I’m a long processor” or “I just can’t seem to balance” it only means that I take a specific route/system to get from A to B.  

Ok so picture one of those old fashioned scales. When I am faced with a choice, a new idea, a surprise, anything really, I start my process by beginning on one side of the scale- overanalyzing the situation. Freaking out. Basically do anything dramatic. Then I decide that I am not liking where I am at so I completely switch over to the other side. I become numb. Not caring at all. Develop in denial feelings and doubt. I repeat going from one side to the other but slowly figuring out things, what was once dramatic shifts has now become subtle back and forth movements.

When I finally find myself in balance I have completed my though process. You should know that I don’t just jump to conclusions. I WRESTLE. That’s how I grow. I don’t just accept what is. Even if  my life is in a dry season and nothing really exciting is happening , I am constantly wrestling with something.  I find balance through seeing each side in the most concentrated way before I settle down.  I would like to someday be able to find balance quicker but for now this is who I am. Thanks to one of my mentors- I now have a visual for how my processing works.

2.     I am still discovering what it means to be vulnerable. I am an open person. I share my life to anyone who asks …..but maybe my issue isn’t how to be “vulnerable” but how to guard my heart. I need to find boundaries. Balance…see a common theme?

3.     I am a words girl. I have decided that my word to describe LAST YEAR is: Trust. And now, my word for THIS YEAR is probably going to be Balance. God teaches me in so many ways but typically I can find one huge aspect that stretches me the most and  helps me understand my Savior more deeply. By learning to trust him- I see his consistency, loyalty, and where my rest should be in. Beforehand- I sought all that in others and was left disappointed. This year is Balance….I wonder what characteristics of God will pop out and become real to me.

4.     I learned that I live in fear. If I was told I am fearful, even up until last month, I would have laughed. I am independent. Strong willed. Determined. Sure I get scared of things but I will not back down no matter the extent of my complaining or emotions. But you see I have brushed off issues for so long. It is time I look at those fears and work through them. Once again Jesus is giving me such a strong visual that I NEED him. Moments like these make me wonder how people can live without Jesus. Here I am pursuing him and I sometimes feel like I’m barely hanging on. So how do people who don’t live in such freedom get through life? It baffles me and truly makes me so sad.

5.     I am reminded that long car rides are one of my favorite places to be. Laughter. Real conversation. Memories. Dreamer time.

6.     I’m still a California girl at heart but at the root of it: I love my mountains and trees. So a summer in Washington isn’t so bad.

7.     The Grind is still my happy spot

8.     I need to remember to approach the Holy Spirit FIRST before anything. Even if my plans are solid. Even if my motives are pure. It is sin if I do not follow the Lord in what he has in store for me. I assume that anything good I do- he would be pleased with. But he doesn’t call me to do good things (necessarily) he calls me to obey. Going to be wrestling with this for a bit.

9.     I learned that I really am a fun person (energizer) but that people-including myself- have created an idea of what fun people should look like. If you were to meet me, you would not say “oh she’s fun” you may think along the lines of “oh she is friendly and can hold a conversation”. I get it. Fun would not be the first word to describe me but there are so many more elements of “energizer” that is missed. You can see it in different areas of who I am.

For instance: I am a planner. Love love love planning. But take a look at my plans. My plans are adventurous. No matter how boring or stupid they may seem- my plans are always bound to not work which makes for a funny story later. My plans are creative and seems to bring about mystery. So in my planning of stability there is always an essence of the unknown, the unexpected, the fun.

Another one: I love encouraging people. In so many different ways. I love making people’s days in the best way possible and that takes creative and outgoing sides of me. Again…I am fun within my thoughtful side.

There are different circumstances/people who can bring out the “fun” person but usually my fun is implemented behind the scenes. I have been hurt at times because I can’t fit into what fun people are supposed to act like, but now that I have seen “fun” in a different light. I am completely fine with it.

me time...

i have been here (WA) for about a week now. it's been pretty relaxing. i love that my grandparents house is nestled in a forest where there are dirt roads and tall green green trees. i am surprised at how cold i am here though...didn't i just come from chicago...windy and cold weather? anyway- this week has allowed for me to have a lot of me time. 

me time.

little did i expect the reaction i would receive when i stated those words to some friends. 

"that sounds selfish" was mainly the response i got from them. \

I in return.. was shocked. did i say something wrong? do they never get time alone? is this only a camp kid thing? how can i better translate it? I felt like even in my translation of what i meant by me time- i was still the weird girl who had to have her "me time". to be honest it was kind of frustrating. 

another term for me time is simply being alone. i think everyone: the quiet ones, the loud ones, the social butterflies, the energizers, the academics all need alone time. i know everyone has their own way of reenergizing but i really feel that getting in some alone time to do whatever (paint, horseback ride, write, listen to music, go for a walk) is so needed. 

i was blessed to grow up in a family that gave me the freedom in this area. my space was respected. my alone time to process, figure out life was never taken away from me. 

me time could in fact become a selfish thing, an excuse, a reason to avoid something. but at the heart of it. it's time to be alone, process, have the freedom to do something or nothing at all. it's time to reenergize, plan, have lightbulb moments. 

me time. everyone do it. it's not a bad thing. 

yea yea- my persister is strong in this subject. 

20 memories for 20 years...

My life has been overflowing with blessings since I was born. Not many people get to grow up in one of the most beautiful places on earth, Hume Lake, and have a family like mine. I am now 20 years old. That is two decades gone. Holy macaroni. So much life has happened. There are so many people who have shaped who I am. So many places that have taken pieces of my heart. So many memories that I don’t know what to do with. 

20 Memories for 20 Years

1. Hume SD. One of my favorite camps of all time. This was the first time to try something new with 3 amazing people. I remember a lot of ice cream, beach time, sunshine, rec games, being allergic to the hay on stage, lot of messing around. I look back and am so glad to have spent a week with them.

2. Kenya. 2009. Need I say more? This place stole a piece of my heart. This trip secured it in my heart that overseas ministry was where I was headed. To serve alongside my family and people dearest to me was something I would never pass up. Those three weeks molded me and the people I met are fresh on my mind regularly.

3. Disneyland. I couldn’t pick my favorite trip because I love Disney so much. I love that I grew up going to this place. My dad’s idea of “going to much to make us hate it” backfired on him and I am a forever a Disneyland lover. This picture is with my siblings and cousin during spring break a few years ago. We were enjoying our dole whips in the Tiki Room. For those of you who don’t know…I love tradition. And the picture captured it. The other picture is in my top 3 favorite trips: our first sibling only trip. No parents. We got to celebrate Juju’s 17^th birthday and everything went smoothly.

4. Senior year. Of all the years in high school, senior year was the best. It was the first year I had some good friends. Formal was was the perfect dance. That year I fully felt that Fresno was home.

5. RV trip. I so wish I could go back and relive the RV trip and soak in more memories because the trip was seriously the best. 6 weeks on the road going through most of the states in the US. So fun. Too bad it was my awkward clothing style season.

6. Hume sports. We were pretty limited in the sports we could play. Soccer. There were not many sports to do at Hume growing up. Soccer was one and it was the best. Soccer was the best place to be competitive, get tamales, and run around in the mountain air. This picture is of my neighbors- 13 years with them. Swim team. I loved swimming and I was one of the fastest so it felt good to be good at something. The picture was our “big” swim meet.

7. Baptism. 2011. What a marking moment in my life. It wasn’t until I was 18 when I fully decided it was time to trust Jesus. I combined my grad party with the baptism and it was so neat to see people from all seasons of life come to support me. Boy what a journey he took me on right after. But I am so thankful for that moment.

8. Summer after graduation. What a fun summer. These girls were by my side all of senior year. Amber (left) dedicated her life to the Lord that trip up to Hume (my childhood home) It is moments like this where you are in complete awe of God’s power. This was my first friend road trip and it fun to show my friends my home.

9. Sammy’s 16^th birthday. One of my favorite trips ever. We went to see Wicked (my favorite show) and to Disneyland. We ran into a pirate and I remember we broke into a fit of laughter when he said (with a straight face) “Say Rum”.

10. Redwood Christian Camp. This was my first camp outside of Hume. And it was AMAZING. I got to go to camp with my brother one year and it was super great. The picture was taken right after Jello/Oatmeal Wars. The best, stickiest camp game ever.

11. Michael Buble Concert. 2011. Two years ago I went to my first real concert. It was the BEST. I found someone who appreciated his heavenly voice as much I did. It was a phenomenal concert.

12. Wyoming Vacation. 2011. This trip was planned by my mom and I hated on her for it for so long. Only old people go to Wyoming. Boy was I wrong. This was one of my favorite Downs vacations by far. Horseback riding on a mountain. I still don’t like horses that much but it was amazing to be on the top of a mountain with my family.

13. Snack Shop 2010. One of my favorite summers ever. I had the BEST experience at Hume. It was my first summer as a summer staffer and I was blessed with the best co-workers. It was such a growing and refreshing summer of community, hard work, and pranks.

14. Jr. High Winter Camp. 2012. I was given the privilege to counsel my 7^th graders for the weekend. I had the best time ever. Had to learn a lot about discipline but made so many memories with these girls.  They made moving away so hard.

15. Road trip to College. Not many people get to say their grandparents took them across the county, 2,100 miles. I made so many memories and bonded with some of the most giving and hilarious people I know. This trip will be forever cherished.

16. Moody Bible Institute.  My journey with them has been such a rigorous, challenging, but special adventure for me. My first year was online and my second year in Chicago. I, a Californian moving to the Midwest…what did I think I was doing? Next year I will actually be  living in a neighborhood in the city. I have grown and been blessed so much because of this school. Thank Jesus I got into my dream school.

17. Life at Hume. I don’t remember much about that night but it was full of laughter. This picture means a lot to me. It captured the joy that Mandy has brought me over the years. It captured my innocent little self, unaware of the world around me. It showed that we could entertain ourselves for hours on end at Hume. I am so proud to be a Hume Kid.

18. My family. I am such a family person. I love my family to death. I CHOOSE to be with them every chance I get. But I have been blessed parents who have a heart to love others and because of that, we opened our house to many amazing girls. There are more people not pictured who I call extended family, (Bry, Kellie, Sarah, Pj & Sheri) maybe one day we will have one big family picture.

19. Paint wars/watermelon carving. 2011. This night was just one of many fun things we did that summer.

20. Wagon Train. 10 years old. 10 years ago. I became a Christian. Slinger (Rich Baker) presented the Gospel in such a way that made me want to have a personal relationship with the Lord. And my life has never been the same.