Holy moly...72 days from now i will be in a new city, stepping into a new chapter of life. um im sorry what? I remember dreaming about growing up and moving away and now-this is real. This is actually going to happen. I have two more months of "normal". Two more months of the Chapter "the last 19yrs of my life." Not saying that within these last 19yrs, life has always been the same, normal, and easy. But basically, all that i have grown up learning and figuring out will all be put on the table and i will step in big kid shoes. These 19 years have prepared me for what i am about to walk into.
I am walking into the unknown.
I will be rooming with someone for longer than a summer
I will be building new relationships
I will start calling unfamiliar buildings, coffee shops, and brick houses my new home
Hume seems like an old life i lived. Once upon a time, the only thing i knew of that is now a distant fond memory. Fresno is beginning to look the same. Not many people get to say that they grew up in a magical world up in the mountains and then settled down in such a neat big-small town. Now here i am, 19yrs later ready to take on a new world. A new culture. A new chapter. in a city.
I am so excited but at the same time, scared out of my mind.
I am at peace though. I am content. I am sitting on the edge of my seat ready to turn the page into the next moment of my life in Chicago :)
Monday, May 28, 2012
Friday, May 11, 2012
trailed thinking...
Sometimes when i read the Bible i end up journaling in a rabbit-trail-sort-of-way. Although whatever i read was very good, sometimes God reveals something semi-random for me to think about. Today i read, Philippians 4:8-9
(8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.)
This is a verse i grew up learning but i decided to look with fresh perspective today. (yea i know, we are supposed to do that everyday but i actually did it for reals today) Fast forward to my rabbit trail.
Journal:
"I need to continue practicing. (v. 9..."seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you") It is a life of practice. That's what i got myself into when i started a relationship with the Creator. I will constantly fall short, never live up, almost make it but not quite. It feels so weird to write but honestly it is true. To be blunt we all are failures at life. It is a fact. But i believed the this fact in the wrong way and it took me down unhealthy and unnecessary paths. We were created in Christ- we aren't Christ though. He made us to need him. If we always measured up- life would get boring to be honest and we would not find God useful in our lives. The Old Testament is a clear example that we are human and can never be perfect. The Old Covenant law had so many rules that even i, the non-rebellious one, would totally mess up at. We desperately need Him. We can't do it on our own. I can't do it on my own. I NEED to embrace my mistakes because that is one of the most humbling times that i get to see visually how little i am and how i am nothing without God. Those mistakes i get down on myself so hard for are just another way that God is trying to teach me personally , I am not God. I can't control my life. I will constantly be disappointed. I will always feel some burden. So today it hit me. When i mess up. At the end of the day, it's not just another opportunity to grow but a fantastic time to recognize how small i am and how blessed i am to have a gracious Savior right by my side patient enough to allow me to find my identity in Him alone. Just a thought."
So basically that was my Jesus time today and i felt like i needed to share because of previous posts. Yes "failing" has been such a huge struggle for me in this last school year but i feel more at peace and encouraged the more my perspective is on Christ. I know i have quite a ways to go but i needed to write down my progress :)
(8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.)
This is a verse i grew up learning but i decided to look with fresh perspective today. (yea i know, we are supposed to do that everyday but i actually did it for reals today) Fast forward to my rabbit trail.
Journal:
"I need to continue practicing. (v. 9..."seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you") It is a life of practice. That's what i got myself into when i started a relationship with the Creator. I will constantly fall short, never live up, almost make it but not quite. It feels so weird to write but honestly it is true. To be blunt we all are failures at life. It is a fact. But i believed the this fact in the wrong way and it took me down unhealthy and unnecessary paths. We were created in Christ- we aren't Christ though. He made us to need him. If we always measured up- life would get boring to be honest and we would not find God useful in our lives. The Old Testament is a clear example that we are human and can never be perfect. The Old Covenant law had so many rules that even i, the non-rebellious one, would totally mess up at. We desperately need Him. We can't do it on our own. I can't do it on my own. I NEED to embrace my mistakes because that is one of the most humbling times that i get to see visually how little i am and how i am nothing without God. Those mistakes i get down on myself so hard for are just another way that God is trying to teach me personally , I am not God. I can't control my life. I will constantly be disappointed. I will always feel some burden. So today it hit me. When i mess up. At the end of the day, it's not just another opportunity to grow but a fantastic time to recognize how small i am and how blessed i am to have a gracious Savior right by my side patient enough to allow me to find my identity in Him alone. Just a thought."
So basically that was my Jesus time today and i felt like i needed to share because of previous posts. Yes "failing" has been such a huge struggle for me in this last school year but i feel more at peace and encouraged the more my perspective is on Christ. I know i have quite a ways to go but i needed to write down my progress :)
Monday, May 7, 2012
first year over...
My freshman year in college is complete. done. What a year. A year of surprises, struggles, and newness.
I am walking away from this year very thankful. God has been so patient with me as i work through what it means to really trust him. In the midst of this process, He has blessed me so much. Without this year, it would have not been hard to leave Fresno but now...Fresno is home. I have built myself a little community. I have been blessed with people like Mindy Spencer, Kim Feil and Cambria Spears who have poured into my life and challenged me in so many ways. My relationships with my family are so much stronger. I have jr. high girls that i call my own now. The friends i have made at Bath and Body Works are irreplaceable. And i still have Marcus :) This year has been so incredible and i wouldn't trade it for anything. But it also made me super excited for this coming fall. A new roommate, city, school-why yes that sounds nice!
I am walking away from this year very thankful. God has been so patient with me as i work through what it means to really trust him. In the midst of this process, He has blessed me so much. Without this year, it would have not been hard to leave Fresno but now...Fresno is home. I have built myself a little community. I have been blessed with people like Mindy Spencer, Kim Feil and Cambria Spears who have poured into my life and challenged me in so many ways. My relationships with my family are so much stronger. I have jr. high girls that i call my own now. The friends i have made at Bath and Body Works are irreplaceable. And i still have Marcus :) This year has been so incredible and i wouldn't trade it for anything. But it also made me super excited for this coming fall. A new roommate, city, school-why yes that sounds nice!
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