a stretching frustration...

I have realized within this past week here at Moody Bible, that i desire for deep relationships more than anything else. I'll pause for a second and explain this last week first though because it has been an amazing week and i am confident that this is exactly where God would have me this year.

Orientation was nothing new to me due to all the summer camps i have worked at and all the new jobs i started. So walking into a college orientation seemed to be like any other. Uh no it wasn't. It was so good. Moody did such a great job at balancing. 400 of us new students got to rule the campus for a few days, which allowed for getting lost to feel less stupid (cause everyone was figuring it out at once). We all were split into groups based on our college experience. I was part of the Transfer group. There was about 20 of us and we were able to go over rules, possible future issues that may arise, etc. I loved that it was a smaller group and the sessions were spread out over a series of days rather than overloading in one day. Orientation was so helpful and definitely feel more at home.

It was a very great week. There were no tears...until today. I hadn't realized how frustrated i had become and my mom brought it to light.

Everywhere that i find myself, whether that be working a summer at Hume Lake or in Fresno or here in Chicago, i jump to building relationships, solid ones, very quickly. I feel like most people don't approach meeting new people with that much intensity, and often i forget that.

I have not connected with anyone from this week really and it really hurts. Because its so ingrained in me to pour into people and build friendships, i expect results rather fast.

What does it really mean to be present with where i am at? To be grateful for where things are at? I honestly don't truly understand that concept i have grown up learning.

I have to learn to enjoy the small things. That one letter i got under my door today to encourage me....may be the only one i get here...and i should be grateful for it. That one church outing with another student may be the last with her...but i should be so thankful for such a fun day. When i get one moment of good, i need to grasp it, soak it up, and be thankful. Period. I need to not take that good thing and look around it hoping to find 10 more behind it.

I would love prayer in patience. to be present. to be thankful for what i have been given. 

last few pages...

It is Sunday. The end of the end...but also beginning of a new book.

Yes... a new book. I know that most people say "a start to a new chapter in life" but each season of my life deserves its own type of book. There are just so many lessons, growing experiences, memories, and people that define each season of my life, making them each individual and unique. Therefore...my life is made up of many books not just one.

My childhood at Hume would be the modern day "Little House on the Prairie" 

High school would have to be a comic book. 

And this last year, my first year of college in Fresno...a novel. 

This novel full of excitements, sadness, triumphs, frustrations...are now coming to a close.

Tomorrow i will be heading to Hume one last time for a while and then taking off on a two week road trip ending up in my new home, Chicago. So many emotions are filling my heart right now and yet i am numb. This week was full of many goodbyes, many moments where i just wanted to quit, many moments where i paused to think that the next year would not be full of family dinners, late night sleepovers with my sister, car rides with my brother, Bible studies with my mom, back rubs from my dad. The familiarness of family won't be quite the same anymore. But, I am so ready to go, to start fresh (and yea i even packed one month before i had to) It's strange putting things to a close.

I just love book series where you are left wondering, left on a cliffhanger as you read the last page of the book. It's exhilarating, opens door for so many possibilities, and makes the story more of value.

Right now im left at a cliffhanger. I am moving across the country to fall more in love with ministry and i have NO idea how much God is going to work on my heart and all the change, unplanned events, and newness that will come my way. I am left wondering right now...how will he use me? Will i adjust to city life? Will i make solid friends? Will i get fat off of Chicago style pizza? Haha, so many questions roaming my head. But i know it is all worth it.

I am beyond excited to see what is on the first page of this next book.

Maybe this new season of my life will be an "Exploration Journal" like how Lewis and Clark documented their travels...or Mountain girl moving to bustling city will make for an awesome movie script or it will just be a ton of one-page short stories...whatever type book this next year turns into...im ready for a brand new one.

Tonight is the last page of my novel of this year.

Tomorrow i begin a new journey. An adventure. Bring it on.