waiting at the door

this struggle is always right around the corner, ready to leap. this struggle rings the doorbell daily, and its a constant battle to not open the door and invite unwanted guest into my perspective and day. im really feeling lonely again. i know i am surrounded by people who love me. i mean so many people showed up for my baptism and graduation party. God has placed so many people in my life...but today...i drove around the neighborhood, windows down, music loud, and jamba in my hand, crying. its hit me. the friendships ive invested into and seen go through trials and joys are mostly gone already and its only the second week of summer. all i want to do is curl up into a ball. the boy i thought id be dating turned out to be a learning experience. the best friend i thought would be in my wedding doesnt talk to me anymore. the friends im surrounded by, i have a constant question nagging at me. "how long will this friendship last?" why do i have such a bad mentality....my contentment NEEDS to be in christ. i love Jesus so much and this is proof how much i need Him in my life.