so good...so good

Do you see who i have been blessed with for the past month? Marcus Allen.

Marcus. Man he has thrown me off my future life plan and i LOVE it. I can't even begin to put in words how much he has blessed me, encouraged me, challenged me, and pointed to Christ. Never have i seen such a man of God whom everyone approves of, who is so different from me yet brings out my best. I have been privileged to work in ministry alongside him and love watching him serve others. His smile, oh that smile, is so contagious and i just can't seem to get enough of it. Within this month i have already learned so much and im blown away by how much God has used him in my life. I am such a better person and i strive to grow in my walk with God. Thank you-yea those words...."thank you" just doesn't do justice for me. Maybe i am picky when it comes to conveying how much people mean to me and the impact they have on my life. Thanks to him, i have become more lighthearted, i have become more spontaneous (well kind of...like i can jaywalk now). Thanks to him, i am starting to understand the music world (well kind of...i know now 3 different bands) Thanks to him, i get to figure out how to be a girlfriend...you know the movies just fail at relationships...so much for learning wisdom from media. Thanks to him, my bedtime is now college worthy (no more 9pm-ers, still working on sleeping in past 8am) Marcus is genuine. He loves Jesus. He surprises me everyday with his thoughtfulness. He writes letters that are so selfless and giving and humble...yea maybe i cry when i read them. We work well together and i love that we are both figuring this whole dating thing out together.

"I am so thankful i stayed in fresno this year- boy was i in for a surprise...thank you God-like seriously." (that was a quick chat to God...without Him...im pretty much nothing) I have to stop and remember that God blessed me with such a unexpected gift that i just don't deserve.

I love driving in the car, listening to music, looking at the stars, laughing, going to dates, watching a gentleman in action, enjoying getting to know him (like his quirks :) ) I loved when he gave his shirt to the homeless. I loved when we met at the grind for weeks. I loved that he will watch any movie with me. I loved that he brought me Teazer every day that i was sick. I love that he hangs out with my family. I love that he is patient and down to earth.

His birthday is in 7 days. I just hope that he know how much he means to like everyone he meets. He is such a joyful follower of Christ. (Marcus- not sure when you are going to read this, but happy 7 days till your birthday. You made it on my blog because i get to boast about you being an amazing boyfriend. Is that bad...boasting?....i guess im just super lucky to have you.)


This was not a long blog post at all, which i would have liked. Maybe because it is 2am. Maybe because i will never fully find the words to write down whats going on in my heart and mind about Marcus. Whatever the case may be- all i know is that im overwhelmed by God's visual proof (marcus) that He is good, is FOR me, and is an amazing Creator to have made an incredible man.

I can't wait to grow closer to him and of course to God as i continue in this relationship.

longing to serve...

God has been working on my heart since I was eight years old. He has been refining, affirming, challenging, and growing me so that I could get to where I am now. After 11 years of toiling, and questioning, I finally got a glimpse of God’s plan for my life. It is set in stone that for the rest of my life I will be serving people with all that I have. I will be a missionary, no matter where I end up. My heart is at peace knowing that wherever he places me, I will be given the privilege to love people to Christ.

If it was not for staying home in Fresno one more year, I would not have seen that I have a passion for junior high students. Through months of processing and trying out different areas of ministry this last year, God started nagging on my heart about Kenya, Africa. It has been now two years since I spent three weeks serving there; the place I call home away from home. During the trip, my team was blessed to stay at a boarding school for missionary kids called Rift Valley Academy. Before we left to go home, I got to meet several kids my age, attend their youth group, and just hang out.. Strangely, being at Rift Valley Academy, I felt at home. Growing up at a Christian camp my whole life is best described as an American missionary boarding school. The only difference I saw after talking with them was that we lived in different countries. It was the first time I felt understood and that I could relate to others.

This year as I started to seek what God wanted me to do with my life, the idea of going back to Kenya began ringing in my ear. On November 8, 2011, as I was watching a choir performance, my mind stop and a single thought hit me My heart is to go back to Kenya and love and invest on the missionary kids there. That thought was one of the most peaceful and refreshing thoughts that went through my head. My dream is to take the roll of a dorm parent, a person who would love and invest into students who don’t get to see their parents a lot. I know what it is like to sacrifice time with my parents so that they could do ministry and after becoming a leader for junior high students in November, it was affirmed that I would love to spend the rest of my life serving missionary kids.

a quick thought...

this is going to be quick.

God constantly has my back (well duh he never leaves) but He chooses to show me Who he is through different aspects in my life. Today was not so great but in the end. i felt loved. Thank you Jesus for putting people in my life. A letter, a hug, a text....three simple things that meant the world to me.

discussion board...

For school I have weekly posts that i have to submit. i decided they are worth a spot on my blog.


I am not intimidated by silence. I love car rides that have little to no conversation. Silence itself is not difficult, its finding the time to just pause in the midst of the busyness of life. I love love love working at summer camps because it’s a super good reminder that pausing is possible and necessary. I think my hugest struggle though is just to take the summer habit and apply it to my routine life at home.

Solitude is complete opposite of what society calls important. But taking a moment to just breath and pause is a universal thing. Take people going to a Yoga class, or someone driving up the mountain for the day. It is built in people to go go go but there is also a need to stop once in awhile- it’s a choice then whether to ignore that or not. Solitude allows for deep intimate conversation with Christ, time to process, a visual marker showing that all control is given to God.

I have a lot of growing to do and there are several lies I am believing but it shows that without Christ I can not defeat Satan. The moment that I started getting comfortable with life, there is something wrong. I need to be constantly diving into Gods words, asking questions, seeking who I am in Him, and actively trying to become a better woman of God. Pausing forces me to stop and look my issues in the eye, then work out a step by step process on how I can grow in my struggles through Christ.

and a month later...

Um it's Feb (side note: i can't spell Feb....its one of those words that I have never been able to get right....) Anyway, it has been a month. One whole month since I have last posted. I really thought i would do better. Obviously not. Sooo anyway, life has been super crazy. Isn't it always to be honest? I really haven't had time to process it all which doesn't sit to well with me. I honestly think i need one whole day away from fresno, away from the normal, but i can't drive in the snow so a refreshing day in the mountains is out of the question. Maybe i can be simple just go to woodward park or fig garden's starbucks.
So here is the just of life right now.

Bath and Body Works is still pretty good, but i am in the season where i really don't like people (they can be so cruel)

School: this is the most unmotivated i have been in a long while. I am trying to push through though.

Friends: my closest friends do not live in fresno and the ones that are here are guys. So i am praying that God allows me to get connected with girls my own age.

I have a boyfriend. Um what...me?? Yea- i still wake up every morning with the same giddy and "i can't believe this is happening to me." feeling. I am LOVING every minute and already learning so much. A struggle i am already seeing is: pride. It's interesting to see God place me in different situations and the new struggles that arise. You know what, i actually like it. I like struggling and being stretched in new ways because...its just not the same ol same ol.

I am really working on being spontaneous....i'd give myself a C which is pretty exciting. Personal record i'd say!

I really need to start living healthy. I am sucking pretty bad and the reason i know why: im getting headaches again- LAME. So there is a new goal for me to work on.

I'm super excited for winter retreat with my jr highers!! only a couple more weeks!!!

I am doing a new Bible study with my mom called Duty or Delight and so far i am already being challenged- i am excited for the next couple of months. The Jonah study really hit hard so im interested to see what i am going to pull from this one.

This is the second time i have gotten cramps in my life: may i just say they are super ridiculous...what was God thinking....i am not a fan whatsoever!

I got pulled over for speeding yesterday...and this time my speeding was on accident. But thankfully because my amazing dad is a Firefighter i drove away ticketless and even without a written warning- Jesus does watch over me! He is FOR me. haha but not i am super aware about my driving.

Well there is a short version: that is all i have time for really. Until later.