kettle corn and tv show life...

I see my life as a TV show and God as both the director and home viewer. One of my default sayings is, "God made football and girls; he loves himself some sports and entertainment." I picture Him sitting on a couch, wearing an I love "Mexican Food with Ketchup" shirt, munching on some kettle corn, ready to watch and episode of Ashlynisms.

For planners like myself who try to understand the concept of spontaneity, God's funny side comes out when he places us in specific situations that bring out only the most awkward, most unprepared, and most dramatic reactions. Due to these generally childlike responses, I find myself questioning my age and emotional stability. Many will laugh at my plan to marry a missionary doctor, get a pet llama, and somehow give birth to twins, while many uncomfortably try to give an appropriate response to my weird friend-making approaches. When I meet a new person, I instantly figure out why we would be good friends and then formulate a step by step process on how we will become really good friends...yea, weird, but that's how I am wired. I plan everything. Every. Single. Thing. Well as it turns out, God is the director of my tv show life and those plans I have... typically conflict with His picture of what he had in mind for me.

but...

(He meets me where I am at.)

He meets me where I am at. A truth that has stuck with me since I can remember. There have been seasons where I was lost in imagination and mountain air not caring about the next day (Ashlynisms Seasons 2-13), to Seasons where I was tired of all the pressures from the Christian community and just gave up (Ashlynisms Season 15), to Seasons where I loved each and every day (Ashlynisms Season 18), to then Seasons where I made unwise decisions and had to live with the consquences (Ashlynisms Season 20).

In every Season of my TV show life, God has always met me where I am at. As I have fought through camp kid identity issues, getting sucked into a legalistic motivation for life, and making poor choices simply because of curiosity...His patience and love created a safe place for me to mess up and yet be okay with running back into the arms of my Savior.

As I walk through the door every morning, ready to take the day on, I find myself asking God what Episode of this season he has in store for me. I know that he will always be there, will always be #1 fan who eats his popcorn, ready to laugh with the random surprises that get thrown my way. I know He will patiently meet me where I am at as I figure out what it means to walk in the spirit daily, seek to have a heart of obedience, and have a continual desire to learn more about Him. 

Who is God to you? What piece of truth has been a huge part of your life seasons? 

My God gets me, understands my quirks, and doesn't mind letting me be thrown off my failed plans. I am perfectly fine being that dramatic, predictable, yet out-of-control character in the show because I got an awesome Lord who meets me where I am at, while other onlookers may question my value and worth. 

I am intense, vocal, love deep conversations, and get energized from planning. I can be too much for people, too overwhelming, too structured and THANK GOODNESS..my TV show life is unique and special and if people can see Jesus in me, then my heart is happy and I will carry on one Ashlynism season at a time with God as my director.

the exposure and the exposed...

Uganda. Africa. Christmas 2013. New Years 2014. 

Four reasons my heart beats faster. 

Uganda: A new country. New friends. Indescribable lands painted in green. Beautiful languages. 

Africa: My happy spot. And hopefully a future home. 

Christmas: Serving with my family overseas during my favorite season...it could not get any better than that.

New Years: Saying goodbye to another year and walking into 2014 away from home brings about endless adventures, memories, and captures some of the richest growing/learning moments.

It has been about a month since skirts, sandals, sunburns, villages, clinics, and boda rides. Routine has kicked in here in Chicago: commuting, tons of reading, neighborhood life, movie nights, bundling up for cold mornings.

There are so many stories I long to share with those around me. So many heart wrenching moments, joyful days, challenging hours, hilarious conversations that I have been replaying in my head. When you go on an exposure trip that means it's quick, but just long enough to build solid relationships. When you leave for a couple weeks, it means diving into a completely different and precious culture which makes city life back in the states seem foreign. This trip, although short, solidified my dream to love and invest into people (doing whatever) for the rest of my life.

But the exposure of Uganda and the dynamics of my team also exposed sin in my life. I was confronted with the reality of some unhealed wounds and the extent it affected my life when I wasn't willing to let go. Even though I was in my niche- serving people in Africa- I was not on vacation from the Lord's pruning and shaping of my life.  

The projects we did, the people we met, the places we went, and the food we ate were not a struggle for me. It was my team. This trip reminded me that ministry is messy. It is not perfect. As a body of believers, I believe we would fail without God. Although I love them each dearly, because of many concentrated days spent with my team, my selfishness arose. Loving people is seriously one of my deepest passions, and I was in complete shock when frustrations, insecurity, and a graceless attitude surfaced within me. My feelings were not matching with what I believed to be my greatest joy. I did not want to love them. Loving them would mean me having to sacrifice my preferences, letting go of expectations, and lifting them up.

The root of the issue was that I placed past experiences on the present and loved out of my own energy.


Here I am weeks later allowing God to continue to work on my heart. I am beginning to heal from layers of hurt only because my understanding of what it means to walk in the freedom of Christ has grown deeper.

My love for people continues to grow as well. There is such beauty when the body of Christ loves each other well. I am striving to be a part of the building-up of my brothers and sisters, not the tearing down.

I miss Uganda. But am so thankful for where it took me. May we never grow numb, indifferent, or ignorant Jesus growing us. May we embrace the uncomfortable yet rich beauty of God's pruning.