the exposure and the exposed...

Uganda. Africa. Christmas 2013. New Years 2014. 

Four reasons my heart beats faster. 

Uganda: A new country. New friends. Indescribable lands painted in green. Beautiful languages. 

Africa: My happy spot. And hopefully a future home. 

Christmas: Serving with my family overseas during my favorite season...it could not get any better than that.

New Years: Saying goodbye to another year and walking into 2014 away from home brings about endless adventures, memories, and captures some of the richest growing/learning moments.

It has been about a month since skirts, sandals, sunburns, villages, clinics, and boda rides. Routine has kicked in here in Chicago: commuting, tons of reading, neighborhood life, movie nights, bundling up for cold mornings.

There are so many stories I long to share with those around me. So many heart wrenching moments, joyful days, challenging hours, hilarious conversations that I have been replaying in my head. When you go on an exposure trip that means it's quick, but just long enough to build solid relationships. When you leave for a couple weeks, it means diving into a completely different and precious culture which makes city life back in the states seem foreign. This trip, although short, solidified my dream to love and invest into people (doing whatever) for the rest of my life.

But the exposure of Uganda and the dynamics of my team also exposed sin in my life. I was confronted with the reality of some unhealed wounds and the extent it affected my life when I wasn't willing to let go. Even though I was in my niche- serving people in Africa- I was not on vacation from the Lord's pruning and shaping of my life.  

The projects we did, the people we met, the places we went, and the food we ate were not a struggle for me. It was my team. This trip reminded me that ministry is messy. It is not perfect. As a body of believers, I believe we would fail without God. Although I love them each dearly, because of many concentrated days spent with my team, my selfishness arose. Loving people is seriously one of my deepest passions, and I was in complete shock when frustrations, insecurity, and a graceless attitude surfaced within me. My feelings were not matching with what I believed to be my greatest joy. I did not want to love them. Loving them would mean me having to sacrifice my preferences, letting go of expectations, and lifting them up.

The root of the issue was that I placed past experiences on the present and loved out of my own energy.


Here I am weeks later allowing God to continue to work on my heart. I am beginning to heal from layers of hurt only because my understanding of what it means to walk in the freedom of Christ has grown deeper.

My love for people continues to grow as well. There is such beauty when the body of Christ loves each other well. I am striving to be a part of the building-up of my brothers and sisters, not the tearing down.

I miss Uganda. But am so thankful for where it took me. May we never grow numb, indifferent, or ignorant Jesus growing us. May we embrace the uncomfortable yet rich beauty of God's pruning.