Deciding to spend a summer in a city unfamiliar to me, working at yet another Bath an Body Works store, and hanging out with extended family I only ever saw a few times a year... was what I would call, a stretch in the comfort zone.
People kept asking me why I chose to come here and I really had no response other than "to mix it up a little and it would be a great opportunity to get to know my cousins better." Despite some surprise struggles, I can't think of anywhere else I could be this summer.
Walking into this summer,
I was stoked to finally be surrounded by forests and get a break from the city life.
I was stoked to see my extended family in the normal routine of life.
I was stoked for some solid time alone to reflect, process, and prepare for this fall.
I really thought I had conquered my "desire for a comfortable life" (I know seeking comfort is not bad, but I was letting it distract me from obeying Christ)
But really... I didn't get to the root of my longing until I was drowning in anxiety, frustration, and isolation. My mentor spoke such truth into my life that has challenged my perspective so much.
She simply said
" The TRUTH is that you have listened to the Holy Spirit and are spending your summer in Washington! You didn't decide to go there--HE decided! Home is not Washington. It is not Chicago. It is not Fresno. It is not even "wherever your family is". HE is home and this world is not our home."
He is home. God is. I was shaken by what she said. Here I have been my whole life looking to people (not for affirmation) for fulfillment. God has been there the whole time waiting for me to seek him fully. 100%. To be completely satisfied by him.
This summer is just a snidbit of the life I am walking into after college. God has placed it in my heart to serve full-time (wherever) for him and if I obey him fully, that means not making my desires for an earthly home, and my love for my family, rise above him.
I had this idea in my head that once I entered college i would find a group of friends. A group who got me, loved me through each season of life, and supported me. But that has yet to come. Instead I have been blessed with many many people who love me from afar. I may not get that group of friends but God's got my back and if i let that want go to Him AND trust him WHILE calling him Home. I will find comfort and a constant companion.
I have missed out on so much because I was focused on my lack of friends this summer. But now that I am seeking him in this struggle- I have seen beauty in the little things again and seen Christ in my extended family.
I am truly blessed this summer.
