dwelling...

tradition, home, consistency, -basically my words that i can't shut up about. last year was a full year. a good year. but not a traditional, homey, or consistent year. Jesus stripped me away from comfort and plans and it messed with me. but i am so thankful for it all. my word for last year might as well be trust. and even though i am still learning what trusting Him means, i may have a new word.

dwell. dwelling in the Lord. what does that even mean? instantly, words like resting, enjoying, soaking up, being held come to mind...comfort words. So even though many aspects of my life was stripped of comfort, i have a Lord of Comfort beside me who i get the opportunity to know personally; who is consistent, unchanging, home. He is the very essence of the words that i can't stop talking/blogging about and yet my focus is not on him. I seek it elsewhere. because i am human. Because Satan knows my faults and sin issues and nudges me a bit in the Perspective area. It's amazing how one little shift in perspective can completely take the focus off of the only Worthy thing in life and make me trip on my feet of pride and desire for control because my eyes are solely on myself.

i am beginning to work through something i have been processing through for almost a year now and Jesus graced in answering some prayers that have helped me walk in the direction of being healed. although this circumstance has had closure, but my heart has not. 

so how to i "let go"? what is the next step? 

to dwell. to rest in Jesus. that would mean me, ashlyn, would have to not plan, not try to control....i have no idea the first thing about letting something go. it's so funny to see God place me in the very place that is complete opposite of who i am.  

what i have learned though, is that i can't be focused on the fact that "letting go" of something will take time (a long time), or that the answer is not found in a step by step plan. i just need to dwell. it's as simple as that...yet as complicated as i am making it...because i have really no idea what dwelling looks like. but it's a new year...another year to figure Jesus out more :) may this one be full of Him again. whether my word ends up being "dwell" or whatever else, i am ready to learn, grow, and fall in His gracious arms daily.