I get so annoyed with myself in times like this, it’s like
im on a never-ending rollercoaster.
You see… I am a roller-coaster girl. I love love going on them!! I could take long
vacations to Disneyland just to ride California Screamin’. I usually describe
my life as some sort of rollercoaster too (because I just love them so much!). Rollercoasters
have both several ups and downs and I think you need both to make the journey
worth it. BUT a 2-3 minute rollercoaster is very different than being on one
for hours. Even I, get sick if I ride rollercoasters too long.
This summer has been one of those hour-long rollercoasters.
I am sick and tired and just want to get off. I feel like my emotions keep
going in loops and right as I get settled down another twist and turn comes my
way. I can’t seem to get my feet on the ground. Right when I think i get a
short break, i go on yet another loop.
I don’t think my sickness is because all my plans haven’t
worked out this year. (I feel like for a
couple months now I’m starting to understand what trusting God means in the
midst of chaos, and its been neat to see how much my perspective has changed.)
I just think this rollercoaster has gone on way too long for my comfort. I
think I am just ready for a new rollercoaster.
I know that God uses the uncomfortable to bring me closer to
Him, but I am just ready to run into a new type of uncomfortable (like
adjusting to a new city, meeting new people, going to a real school)
It’s been hard to choose joy this summer. My emotions have
started to block out what God is doing in my life through the bad and the good.
Walking into a new chapter of my life does not mean I am running from my
struggles or people, but I want to be able to walk into a new season of life
where I will continue to work on things but from a new standpoint.
I want to be able to miss my family, to miss my home here in
Fresno. I want to have a fresh appreciation for all that I have and I feel like
leaving for a bit will help with that.
In two weeks, this rollercoaster will end. I will be able to
take a month break then jump onto a new one in Chicago. So how do I enjoy each
moment here even when I feel so drained and sick?
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