loyalty...

I need loyalty. Take away inside jokes. Take away thoughtfulness. Even take away deep conversation. But loyalty...no. This year i have been seeing how much i am driven by loyalty. When friendships and relationships come to a close, sure i will miss making memories but my heart is severed because "loyalty" is not supposed to have an end. Loyalty is the highest compliment i can give a friend because it is one of the most cherished things i hold onto. I have been shocked by how rare it is to find a loyal person.

I joke around that my loyalty kicks in whenever i first meet someone. I automatically sign my life away to that person subconsciously. I don't give myself the option of walking away. I assume i will be their friend no matter what and learn to become a better friend. But in that...i am constantly disappointed. Most people aren't driven by mere loyalty. We each have our own path and i don't think i have come to a place where i am ok not always being in someones life. I strive to keep in contact with everyone i meet and yes it is tiring....but i love it. 

For some people, loyalty is not something they think about. It may not come natural. I have run into many people throughout my life and they always leave me confused and distressed. But i need to remember that everyone is wired differently and if everyone were so completely loyal...we all would have too many friends. 

What i am learning is that although i deeply seek friends who are consistent and loyal, i have been blessed with many other people that are teaching me so much. Yes, i am struggling with loneliness this summer, but thank you Jesus...i have another month of being reminded that i need Him alone and should not cling to loyalty as much as i do now. 

Im ready to move. I am nervous...not for meeting new people but that i will continue to stay in this loyalty cycle ive let consume me. Loyalty is good. It's who i am. But its not everything.