Are You Married?

Some people see it, some people don't. Whoever does see it though, always asks something along the lines of, "Are you married?" My answer i give is a: no, but if asked "why then" i explain my reasoning. True, I have a ring on my ring figure, also know as the marriage finger. What is an unmarried, 17yr old with a ring on her wedding finger? This is my 4th year answering just that. Do i wear it to scare away people? (no, boys still talk to me :D ) Is it for attention? (no, i would have gotten a big fatto diamond ring if i wanted to be in the spotlight) Am i wearing it to make myself stand out? (yes.but let me explain that) My ring is just a possession-one of my more cherished possessions. It may not last forever or i could lose it. I cherished it because of the meaning behind the only piece of jewelery i wear. The ring is symbolic reminder of the promise i made.

SO what promise exactly did i make when i was 13? My whole life I grew up hearing, "Don't kiss boys." So i didn't kiss boys. It was as simple as that. (oh and the fact that there were little to no boys at hume i grew up with). When i was about 12yrs old, i had no guidelines set for relationships, but i was starting to find boys interesting, so i started watching. After hearing my moms testimony and several summer staffers (at hume lake)share their perspectives on relationships and such, i decided for myself that i needed to set boundaries and standards.

I love touch! Hugs, back rubs, really anything. With that though, i knew i needed to set down rules for myself so that i would not sin or place any other person in a situation that could have been prevented. I started making small standards like i would not let any boy give me a back rub until we were engaged. But even with that, i would still have to be cautious about it because one thing easily leads to the next real fast. Any "walls" people may see are set up for myself. I'm not one of those people that have walls built up because of past experiences. No, i watched others make those mistakes and so i took one step ahead and made boundaries so that i would never have to be in that "no-trusting" world.

I do not really enjoy watching chick-flicks. Sure there are a few i think are cute and like to watch on a rainy day or when hanging out with friends, but they give, what i think, to be one of the worst interpretations about relationships that implant many little lies in my and other peoples' heads. Everything is so physical and it always seems to be the center of any Hollywood movie relationships. I yearn for building deep friendships, with girls and guys. That of course takes time and i am totally fine by that. It seems that since the world has taken off a million miles per hour so has the development of dating and marriage. My hope is that any guy i date would be someone i could see myself marrying. And even before we started dating i would be friends only. When you get to know someone on a friend level then the rest seems to go smoothly. I have seen when people skip that step, personalities are placed second and the physical desires are placed on top. I am sure it works out for some couples, but personally for me, i know it wouldn't for any relationship i was in. I want to have that Godly relationship and be Biblically centered the whole time.

I chose to save my first kiss for my husband and save that kiss till the day of the wedding. Ashlyn why would you do something so un-normal and goodie-too-shoe-like? Well my friends, two reasons. 1) When i am dating someone (whether it is my future husband or not) i want to respect him, so that if it doesn't work out, i can say happily that i did not take a part of him from his future wife. Now if everything did work out, then that kiss will be so much better. How so? Ok i have been told, seen the looks couples give when in love, and read all about it that kissing is fun and feels good. So if i know that, i can just wait. If i am marrying that guy, i get him to myself for the rest of my life and can kiss him as much as possible. I figure that if we fall in love with of course Christ being the center, then that physical part is going to be the best bonus there is. 2) I am a pretty normal human being...what is something that sets me apart from others and may appear the impossible but that i have faith i can do cuz others have before me? Not kissing. I have seen others before me do it so why can't i? People don't get this but when they say comments like "I don't think you can do that." or "That's lame." it makes me more motivated to prove you guys wrong. Yes i can be competitive and i will win. So there. haha. Also i have seen that after people find out, make fun, and give me a funny look, they all seem to treat me with a little more respect than before. Sure they may always think "Ashlyn is weird", but i hope they see that i make these "crazy" promises for myself, my future boyfriend(s), my future husband, and to God (meaning i will strive to live for Him, but of course i will sin, im human, its a goal that i plan to keep. so maybe i am not making a promise to God but more to the non-hypocritical Christian life i lead.

As a side note: My ring has 2 mini diamonds on both sides of the blue one. The four diamonds represent my relationship with God, my parents, and my future husband. The blue stone is because i like blue and it represents purity. My name partially means waterfall. It was an Ashlyn Ring.

To sum things up: I am wearing a ring (aka purity ring) as a symbol for my promise to save my first kiss and set rules for the physical part of
relationships.