a "yes" it is...

For those of you who have followed my journey on my blog or walked alongside me this last year, you know that the season i found myself in last year was not easy. I guess life is really never that easy. I guess i just assumed my life would be the exception. A lot of my previous posts clearly showed my processing through what all was going on last year, the struggles, mistakes, frustrations, joys, surprises. Blogging kept me transparent and forced me to embrace both the good and bad.

Last semester i began to process through what it meant to trust Jesus when everything was going wrong. I had a hard time believing that God was a Good God, that his way was the right way. But after being stubborn for so long He broke me and i now can see the beauty behind it all!

I really got so caught up in all the "No's" Jesus was giving me that I literally wanted to give up. Be done with everything. I didn't make it into my dream school after two attempts. I then had to stay home for another year, doing online Bible school. My schedule wouldn't let me attend a Lifegroup. Friends moved away. Right when routine would kick in, a change of plans would hit my life.

Every plan i had was ruined.

And the "every plan won't work"-season carried on through this last semester here at Moody. I had to get two jobs to cover school costs. I had to work every Sunday meaning that I could not find a home church quickly. My roommate situation was complete opposite of what i had intended. I was signed up for classes by someone else that put me behind in school.I applied to be an RA and did not even make it to the level of interviews. Finally i had gotten into my dream school and it seemed at every corner there was a roadblock, a rock to trip me. This was not what i had planned.

So much struggle. So much questioning. So many tears.

 It wasn't until Christmas that i recognized all the unplanned events i went through, really were good. God allowed these hard things in my life to teach me, mold me, and draw me near to Him.

Because I had to stay home: I built better relationships with my family and was able to love my sister as she went through medical issues. 

Because I was unable to join a Lifegroup: God opened the door for me to love on Jr. High girls who i have built such neat relationships with. 

Because I had online classes: My schedule was flexible enough to work at one of my favorite jobs (Bath and Body Works), have a ton of coffee dates, and allow me to be available.

Because all my friends left: I was forced to be social outside my comfort zone and ended having some of the best nights ever with solid people who loved Jesus. 

Because I had to get two jobs: I got the neat opportunity of loving two different groups of people, my co-workers as well as an amazing Chicago family.

Because my roommate and I did not get along at first: I was able to work on some of my weaknesses and began to put my worth in God and not in people. (We are now friends and I couldn't ask for a better roommate. :) God is seriously so good) 

Because I did not get the RA position: I had to trust that Jesus had something better in store for me. 

Trust. I would say I trust Jesus, but not fully.

When circumstances are tough, i never really question what He is doing. I just get tired that He doesn't let me into the bigger picture and the schedule of my life.

When circumstances are good, i hold onto that good, not being present and enjoying God's blessing in my life, because i am so scared He will just take it away.And he has taken people and things out of my life for what seems like no reason. And even though i still don't get it, we are called to trust him fully. With everything. No matter the circumstance. He has a reason for everything and it ok that i don't know it all. I just need to keep my focus on Him the whole time.

This last week was one of the most stressful weeks i have had in a long time. I was shutting down, drained, and growing impatient.For the last 3 months i waited for a response from two things i applied to. Here at moody. Applying to anything Moody, has not been easy for me. It was honestly hard to apply for new things on campus because i faced the possibility of more rejection. But i was challenged to persevere.When anxiety really attacked me, He was there, holding me.

God has finally said "Yes"!!!

"Yes"-Never has that word been more encouraging, refreshing, and exciting. If i had not gone through this hard season, that "Yes" would have been taken for granted. It has such depth now. I recognize that I don't deserve anything, and it is SUCH a blessing when He says "Yes"!

Next year: 
I will be on Moody's Woman Ministries team. I will be diving into a whole new field of the Unknown. I was accepted to join Samaria, its a branch of the women's ministry, i will be going to a public high school and will be trying to build relationships with some of the girls there. This is a new launch so i will be walking into no structure, routine, or plans. This scares me. But i am SOOOO excited to finally be a part of something and begin to build roots here in Chicago.

Also...

I made it into another new program known as Cohorts. Cohorts is a dream come true. Not only will i be attending my dream school but i will be living in my dream situation. The program is much like one i was applying to back home (Plan B if i didn't get into moody). I will be moving into a neighborhood with three other girls known as Little India. It's a win win!! Doing urban ministry WHILE i attend school. I get to build relationships with people in this city in a practical, everyday atmosphere!!


If Jesus had not stripped me away from everything comfortable last year, i don't think i would be ready for this next fall. He knew what He was doing :) He has been preparing me and i am sure all this is just a sliver of what He has in mind.

From some random speaker...
"We are usually in three stages: in a trial, just getting out of a trial, or walking into one."

If i trust Jesus, no matter what stage i am in, i really should have nothing to worry about. I cannot trust my plans. I need to trust Him. There are going to be so many turns coming up that i will not expect, but i can expect my Jesus to be there with me. And knowing that, i am ready to take this next season on.