crying. tears. that wet stuff that comes from your eyes. i have never been against it nor do i ever try to avoid it. crying though, does not happen every day for me and when i do get hit with a wall of emotion its usually at the most inconvenient time and every time, yes every time...it catches me off guard. i forget that crying is even an emotion so when i get beads of water rolling down my face i am utterly shocked.
i have many different types of crying. and i think my tears a couple nights ago would be the first time i'd consider it a good cry This cry was not the uncontrollable cry that i had before i left home in August. This cry was not the angry one i had when i found out about a dear family going through something devastating. This cry was not the silent tears while driving home from a long day. This cry was not from the sudden frustrations i found myself in trying to figure out where i belong here at Moody. Im truly amazed by how many different cries i have had over the course of this year.
The cries i have gone through have visually taught me what "brushing things off" does to me emotionally and physically. My tendency during the hard times is not to embrace but to ignore. I don't hand everything to the Lord and my result is sinking in a mud puddle of pain. (where my reaction is always, "again, it happened again?"
So for my good cry. The reason i say that i had a good cry is because im much much closer to being healed. After i cry, usually someone asks if i feel better and i say "yes, i feel much better" but in reality...im fine for only the time being...i usually have another breakdown a couple weeks later. (sorry to all who are blessed with my multiple cries :) ) But this cry... after this cry, i literally felt like i had taken another step in processing through things.
Here comes my cheesy analogy. Most cries are like ibuprofen, they bring relief for some time but the next day there is always the possibility that the pain will come back. Good cries are like some homeopathic medicine where although the results may not be instant, it will most definitely aid you in the healing process. Maybe this only makes sense to me. (side note having nothing to do with my point: i usually make fun of homeopathic medicines calling them "Mom Myths"but in this case, they work in my favor)
So yea, i feel much better now. I recognize my struggle but im embracing them and really looking up to Christ as i am in desperate need of him. My bitterness and hurt have dropped so much and i feel so much more free. Obviously i am still in a process but baby steps :) I think we all need some good cries in the midst of all the other cries.
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