For my online classes, there are weekly questions and as I looked back on what I had written a few weeks ago, i stopped at this one. I feel like this very much shows where I am at.
"Being hurt and disregarded as little worth with several friendships I have had in my life, has both grown and challenged me. I started to look for not only a friend of amazing character who would not stab me in the back but to become that friend for anyone I come into contact with that I had not found yet. Loyalty was an automatic for me. Never did I think people would just walk out on me because of what I believed in, or someone better was found. Loyalty was in my blood- never did I think of leaving any friend whether there was some conflict needing to be worked out. Loyalty means that no matter how the friend is treated, they looked past the hurtful action, show grace and forgive them. Loyalty means sticking at something that is not always fun and easy. Loyalty is intention and putting energy into something. Loyalty is by far something I cherish. When I am blessed with a loyal friend- I am so thankful and when God has allowed someone who is not necessarily a good friend, I will love on and invest my love and be that loyal friend. (Who knows, I may be that one opportunity that the person gets to see Christ revealed) Loyalty is something I used to expect but have learned cherish. It’s a reminder that although at time we all fall short of being loyal to a friend, God is always there and is Loyal.
Happiness. So much is etched into that word. I love making plans and to do lists. I need 24hrs to be informed of a change and if I am not…I pretty much freak out inside. (At home I show it by turning robotic- not being flexible and honest-like I should) Being content has been a constant struggle for me. Happiness is a mere feeling and being content is not just a feeling but a perspective. I find I more enjoy life if I am not so worked up on all the wrong things in my life. Being here at home-doing school all by myself at my kitchen table, no college friends is not my dream place I’d like to be. I am a fellowship girl. I love living in community and right now God has placed me in what I call “Solitary Confinement” season. I constantly ask- what am I doing here? Why why why? As if my plan is better than Gods. Haha. If my perspective changed a littler- I would see that I am so blessed in life and although I am not in the midst of “a happy season” my perspective needs to change and from that I will find a sense of peace, leading to contentment, which leads to a less worrying life and is more fun, fun leads to happiness. I need to focus on the root rather than the branch (result) of happiness.
I JUST GOT BACK FROM CBU (CAL BAPTIST UNIVERSITY). IT WAS A 2 DAY TRIP, SHORT AND SPONTANEOUS. I GOT THE PRIVILEGE TO SIT IN A CAR WITH A CHILDHOOD FRIEND AND HAVE SUCH GREAT, DEEP, AND CHALLENGING CONVERSATIONS. I GOT TO TOUR A BEAUTIFUL SCHOOL AND SURPRISE A DEAR FRIEND. MY FRIEND TRIED OUT FOR CHIOR AND AS I SAT WATCHING THE AMAZING VOICES (DEF. HAD CHILLS) MY ONLY THOUGHT WAS "I WOULD NOT WANT TO BE ANYWHERE ELSE. I AM COMPLETELY CONTENT." I AM SO THANKFUL MY FRIEND ASKED ME TO GO. I GOT A CHANCE TO BREATH. PAUSE. AND GROW IN RELATIONSHIPS. MAN. IT ENERGIZED ME FOR THIS WEEK AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE SUCH A REFRESHED PERSPECTIVE. :)
From this week.... my heart in ministry is leaning towards loving and investing on missionary kids in Kenya. How that looks and what i do- i have NO idea yet. But Thanks to this trip im starting to see where my passions are exactly..now im trying to figure out what talents God has given me to use and how i can best use them effectively.
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